Eric’s Presents

Eric’s Presents

It’s not even October

But I’m excited

Deliriously excited

I want to be Eric’s Secret Santa this Christmas

I need to be Eric’s Secret Santa this Christmas

I know I will

It’s only right

It’s my right

It’s my duty

We both have been plagued by that tormenting goblin of the psyche

Soul-numbing sadness

The demon on our shoulder

Clinical Depression

But I know what I’m going to get him

Turtleneck sweaters

In whites greys shells and tans

Penny loafers

Like Mister Rodgers

Made of the finest Italian leathers

Lovely trousers

Steampunk styled

Or in the clan tartan

Scarves

Also tartan

And perhaps a Burberry

Blazers and Jackets

Nautical

Royal

Fit for a captain of a ship

Or an archduke of a small European nation

Beautiful enough for all occasions

Spatterdash boots

Of Victorian tradition

To make him a gentleman fine

Dress shirts

Of the most dreamy of Oriental silks

In the most grand jeweled colors

From Crown Chakra Amethyst Purple

To Life-Blood Ruby Red

Bowties

In whimsical patterns

Dots and Spots

Stars and Suns

Smiley Faces, too

So he may smile again when he wears them

A pair or two of lavish palmless gloves

So he may be dapper

Refined

Like a marquis of a steam-powered Rococo France

Argyle socks

Of masculine blues

Greys

Greens

Reds

Golds

And purples most royal

The 10th Doctor’s coat

For some extra dashing

And maybe the 11th Doctor’s coat

If I do not get the beautiful thing for myself

Caps and hats

Driver’s caps

Fezzes

Porkpies

Bowlers

Toppers

All styles and fashions

That all handsome aristocrat boys of the technology era could ever want or need to keep in fashion

A waistcoat or two

For a touch of formality

And sweet regality

Suspenders

Not purely ornamental

And also not the cheap hipster kind

A pocketwatch

So he may be the master of his time

And drink in all moments

And not waste a drop of the day’s river

And a fragrance

A scent signature

So he may say

“The Duke Eric of Fairfax has arrived

You may grovel as you please”

Maybe leather and oakmoss

Maybe Dark chocolate and musk

Maybe mint and ginger

I have time

I can figure it out

But there are other things he needs too

Things that he needs to be a courtier

A modern noble

A true gentleman

Books

The Iliad

The Odyssey

The Works of Poe and Dickinson

And maybe a poem or two I wrote myself

A history of many countries

And a dangerous book

Filled with all sort of things for young men to do

A manual on how to stabilize his chakras

So he can feel inner peace

A handkerchief

For those situations when someone is crying

So he may offer a shed of concern for them

An army knife

And a medic kit

So he’s prepared always

Whatever else I can find

To take him from angry boy

To ducal young man

Who is knowledgeable in all things important and beautiful

And still able to smile on things frivolous

And if I get him these objects

I know he will be at least a little happy

For even if the evening of Christmas Eve comes

And he opens the box and says

“Thanks for the crap”

I know he will take at least one of the hats

Likely a fez

He will try it on

And smile for at least a millionth of a second

And I know that my task is complete

That he will grow a bit more

And become an archduke

Of all fanciful and wonderful practices

– Kayla Gastony, 2nd Place in Poetry