THE GIFT NO ONE WANTS OR DESERVES: TOXIC POSITIVITY

Presenting Day 3 of Cultivating Care and Reaching Out In Kindness, brought to you by the Office of Student Life and Office of Wellness and Mental Health!

Over time, we’ve all been conditioned to say things to others that can be defined as “Toxic Positivity.”  Toxic Positivity phrases are blanket statements that are not helpful to the person going through a life issue.

Toxic Positivity Definition: “Toxic positivity is the excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations. The process of toxic positivity results in the denial, minimization and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience.”

“Just like anything done in excess, when positivity is used to cover up or silence the human experience, it becomes toxic. By disallowing the existence of certain feelings, we fall into a state of denial and repressed emotions. The truth is humans are flawed. We get jealous, angry, resentful and greedy. Sometimes life can just flat out suck. By pretending that we have “positive vibes all day,” we deny the validity of a genuine human experience. “ (Quintero & Long, 2019)

It’s okay to not be okay!  In life we should get to “experience the rainbow of our emotions” and be able to learn from them. While it’s okay to be a cheerleader and try to motivate your peers and friends, it is imperative that you examine your message to make sure that it is helpful and not full of toxic positivity. Having a positive attitude is not necessarily a bad thing and can be welcomed in appropriate situations, but it is also possible to overdo positive messages! Overdoing it can cause resistance and unintended stress in the receiver and make it less likely that they will consult you in the future for advice or even to just let you know what is going on with them in their life struggles.

Toxic Positivity Statement Non-Toxic Acceptance & Validation Statement
“Don’t think about it, stay positive!” “Describe what you’re feeling. I’m listening.”
“Don’t worry, be happy!” “I see that you’re really stressed. Anything I can do?”
“Failure is not an option.” “Failure is a part of growth and success.”
“Everything will work out in the end.” “This is really hard. I’m thinking of you.”
“Positive vibes only!” “I’m here for you both good and bad.”
“If I can do it, so can you!” “Everyone’s story, abilities, limitations are different, and that’s okay.”
“Delete Negativity” “Suffering is a part of life. You are not alone.”
“Look for the silver lining.” “I see you. I’m here for you.”
“Everything happens for a reason.” “Sometimes we can draw the short straw in life. How can I support you during this hard time?”
“It could be worse.” “That sucks. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”

(Quintero & Long, 2019)

Quintero, S. and Long, J. (2019). Toxic Positivity: The Dark Side of Positive Vibes Retrieved from https://thepsychologygroup.com/toxic-positivity/

Want more resources? The Office of Wellness and Mental Health can help. Visit https://www.nvcc.edu/wellness/ to learn more.

Check out this video:  Toxic Positivity: The Dark Side of Positive Vibes

As a reminder, you can participate two ways:

  1. Take a moment to anonymously share a few words of gratitude here, which will be displayed on a “virtual bulletin board” and become a video to be released on Nov. 11.
  2. Complete and email the “Kindness Card” to someone you really appreciate or someone who could simply use some extra words of encouragement at this time. The link to access the card is here.

Giving Gratitude Virtual Bulletin Board Preview

As a part of the NOVA initiative of cultivating care, and reaching out in kindness, the Office of Student Life and The Office of Wellness and Mental Health are sharing a preview of the Giving Gratitude virtual bulletin board.  See some of the things NOVA community members are grateful for, and look out for the full virtual bulletin board video on November 11!

To participate, take a moment to anonymously share a few words of gratitude here.

Click image to enlarge.

 

CULTIVATING CARE ON SOCIAL MEDIA

Presenting Day 2 of Cultivating Care and Reaching Out In Kindness, brought to you by the Office of Student Life and the Office of Wellness and Mental Health!

With technology usage at an all-time high, you may experience joy and frustration with life online.  We use social media to stay connected with friends and family, keep up with news and celebrities, inform others about our lives and more.  The convenience of smartphones means we can get up-to-the-second updates from our app notifications, and for many, this leads to being stuck in a pattern of grabbing our phones at every chime and engaging in constant scrolling.  Topics, such as the pandemic’s impact on our lives and economy, racial discourse, and political sparring are splashed all over our timelines.

So how do you take care of yourself while enjoying social media?  Check out these tips!

  1. Before you open an app and start scrolling, ask yourself if you’re in the mood for what you might see. Check in with yourself during and after your time online.
  2. Do you have people whose posts trigger you? Consider muting them, so you cannot see their posts when you scroll.  This can be done on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook!
  3. Schedule your time online. Be purposeful when you engage instead of just reaching for the phone when you hear a notification.  This will help you with not being overwhelmed.
  4. Turn off your notifications! It is hard to stay focused on the world around you with constant pinging, and it may cause you to start a scrolling session and lose track of time and task.  You may also feel anxious knowing there are posts, messages and videos waiting for you to observe.  Control how and when you engage instead of the notifications shaping that for you.
  5. Remember that what you see of others (and what you post of yourself) isn’t fully representative of the real world. Others are choosing what they share with you online, just the same as you are choosing when you post.  Be careful not to compare yourself to polished images.
  6. Be careful in the comment section. Think before you comment, and consider the source when you read what others say- it is easy to get caught up in negativity when you end up doomsurfing or doomscrolling (pattern of seeking or viewing negative content, even if it makes you sad, anxious, or angry).
  7. Don’t ignore cyberbullying. We all have a right to respect when online- if you are mistreated, see something offensive, or view content that just doesn’t feel right, report it.  People can feel emboldened behind anonymous screennames, and algorithms miss questionable content all the time, so it is up to us as an online community to keep it safe for us all!
  8. If it all just seems like too much, feel free to take a break! Let your followers know so they don’t worry about you.  Take care of you first!

For another perspective on taking a break online, check out Social Media Detox…This Changed My Life!!   Happy Scrolling!

As a reminder, you can participate by:

  1. Take a moment to anonymously share a few words of gratitude here, which will be displayed on a “virtual bulletin board” and become a video to be released on Nov. 11.
  2. Complete and email the “Kindness Card” to someone you really appreciate or someone who could simply use some extra words of encouragement at this time. The link to access the card is here.

Self-Care– Taking Care Of Your Own Wellness

Brought to you by the Office of Student Life and Office of Wellness and Mental Health

“We have to cry sometimes before we can smile. We have to hurt before we can be strong. But if you keep on working and believing, you’ll have victory in the end” – Ann Davies

Self-care involves supporting yourself in ways big and small, from honoring your emotions, to being gentle in the demands you place on yourself, to allowing others to assist you in times of need.

Imagine that you were helping a loved one to recover from an injury. You would make sure they were getting enough rest and had nourishing food to eat. You would encourage them to do the things that make them feel better, be it exercise, socializing, or activities they enjoy. You would take the time to listen to what they were experiencing and to what they needed. You would discourage them from putting too much pressure or stress on themselves to feel better right away. Most of us instinctively know how to care for others, but forget to apply those same skills towards ourselves. Give yourself the gift of attention, time and compassion.

Self-care is just as important as your work or your education. Being overloaded with work can add to your stress and slow you down. Self-care helps to keep you positive and energetic. It gives you time to reflect on yourself and to consider what may enhance your overall wellness.

Learn to control what you can control! Stress can have a direct impact on your ability to function properly and your overall health. It can stop you from accomplishing many goals in life. Learning how to cope with stress may improve your lifestyle and increase your chances for success. Try setting small weekly goals to better manage your time. As you start to cross off the tasks on your to-do list, you’ll feel a sense of accomplishment which will help reduce stress.

Check out these links to learn more!

7 Self-care Tips during Pandemic

Everything Is Awful and I’m Not Okay: questions to ask before giving up

Cultivating Care and Reaching Out In Kindness, Nov. 2-Nov. 6

Office of Student Life and Office of Wellness & Mental Health present Cultivating Care and Reaching Out In Kindness!

NOVA is a community committed to showing care for all. Consider how you show care to others as well as yourself. Whether through a generous act of kindness or an enriched expression of gratitude, authentic care is what keeps us connected through the greatest of times and through the toughest of times. Let’s be even more intentional in cultivating and intensifying that care this season and beyond. For the week of Nov. 2 through Nov. 6, be on the lookout for daily posts, and check out the two options that we hope everyone will participate in for the betterment of us all.

1. Take a moment to anonymously share a few words of gratitude here, which will be displayed on a “virtual bulletin board” and become a video to be released on Nov. 11.

2. Complete and email the “Kindness Card” to someone you really appreciate or someone who could simply use some extra words of encouragement at this time. The link to access the card is here.

Thanks for ensuring that NOVA’s culture of care is solidified with actions.

The “S” Word- What To Do To Prevent Suicide

The National Suicide Hotline Designation Act has passed in the US House of Representatives today!  It aims to create a three-digit number (988) for suicide prevention and mental health crises, and direct calls to the already-established National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.  Having previously passed in the Senate, it is awaiting presidential approval and signature, and will require all telephone service providers to route calls from the Lifeline to 988 by July 16, 2022.

In the meantime, here are some resources to assist you in finding suicide prevention information, contacts and resources for yourself and others.  As safety is paramount, if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, or know of someone that is, calling 911 is the first line of intervention.  You may also go to your local emergency room for assistance.

Note: This information is not exhaustive, nor is its inclusion an endorsement by The Office of Wellness and Mental Health.

Who to contact:

  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
    • Available 24/7
    • 1-800-273-8255, or chat
    • 1-888-628-9454 (Spanish Language)
    • 711 (Deaf or hard of hearing)
    • 1-800-273-8255 and press 1, text 838255, or chat (Veterans)
  • PRS Crisis Link Hotline (Northern Virginia):
    • Available 24/7
    • 703-527-4077 or text CONNECT to 85511
    • 711 (Deaf or hard of hearing)
  • Crisis Text Line:
    • Available 24/7
    • Text HOME to 741741
  • The Trevor Project (LGBT):
    • Available 24/7
    • 1-866-488-7386
    • Text START to 678678
    • TrevorCHAT

Warning signs that intervention may be necessary:

  • Talking about:
    • Killing themselves
    • Having no reason to live
    • Not wanting to live
    • Feeling trapped
    • Not wanting to be here anymore
    • Experiencing unbearable pain
    • Feeling like a burden to others
  • Exhibiting behaviors of:
    • Withdrawing from activities
    • Isolating from others
    • Increased drinking or substance use
    • Recklessness
    • Aggression
    • Planning ways to kill themselves, including internet searches and gathering means to inflict harm
    • Cutting, or other self-harm actions
    • Sleeping too much, or not enough
    • Giving away treasured possessions
    • Goodbye calls and/or visits to others
  • Displaying signs of:
    • Abrupt/erratic changes in mood
    • Depression
    • Irritability
    • Anhedonia (lack of interest in activities once enjoyed)
    • Rage
    • Feeling humiliated, attacked, dismissed or singled out

Resources on suicide and self-harm:

Although suicide is a difficult topic and experience for many, we cannot remain silent.  If you or a classmate/colleague/friend/family member is struggling, remember, there is hope and help is out there.  Let’s work together to quell our fear of the “s” word, to keep each other safe and well, and to end the stigma of self-harm and suicidal thinking.  You are not alone, your life is precious, and you are worthy of becoming your best self; you just have to be around to see how far you can fly!

Learning, Time Management and Organization Apps for Those Needing a Boost

Recognizing that technology is a regular part of our daily functioning, and can be used to benefit us in the day to day, below is a compiled list of apps that may assist you through your learning journey.

Free apps were included, as available.  Apps being included in this list does not equate to endorsement by NOVACares or Northern Virginia Community College.

Apps for Tutoring, Studying Assistance & Time Management

Chegg Tutors

Tutor.com To-Go

TutorMe

Audio Note Lite (Android) (iOs)

Educreations Interactive Whiteboard

inClass

myHomework

Grammarly

 

Apps for Learners with Dyslexia

Sound Literacy

Read the Text for Me

Pocket

SnapType

Mental Note Lite

Teen & Adult Phonics Library

Lectio

Practice English Grammar- Free

Grammar Up- Free

ModMath

Apps for Learners with Attention Issues

Voice Dream

RescueTime

Finish

Remember the Milk (Android) (iOs)

Brain Focus

Asana (Android) (iOs)

 

Apps for Learners with Autism Spectrum Disorders

CommBoards Lite- AAC Speech Assistant

MoodPanda (Android) (iOs)

HabitRPG

Routinely

Todoist

Dropophone

Apps for Stress Management

Headspace

Calm

10% Happier

The Mindfulness App

My Life

Having Fun Online During COVID-19

Online life is in the forefront for many of us, especially for schooling, working, and staying connected with others.  This also means we are finding more entertainment online due to closure of many venues we would typically frequent.  Below are some suggestions of what you can do to have fun online during the pandemic:

  • Create a collaborative playlist with friends, classmates, colleagues, and family.  You’ll not only get to share your favorite tunes, but you’ll get to learn some new artists and songs, too
  • Use Zoom for more than class or work.  Have a dance party; host a movie viewing and critique party; play improv games like charades, one word story, convergence or 5 things; host a pet play date; engage in a group cooking demonstration

  • Celebrate random daily holidays, like National Power Rangers Day (Aug 28), Chocolate Milkshake Day (Sept 12), or Fried Rice Day, which is also Pepperoni Pizza Day (Sept 20)
  • Institute a TED talk of the day by viewing a video on a new topic everyday

  • Listen to, and discover a new podcast through your favorite podcast or streaming app
  • Use YouTube to find meditation and workout routines you can try

The possibilities are endless; try out something new, and share with others what you find to keep yourself entertained during this time!

Tips For Success as You Gear Up for a New Semester

As fall semester is fast approaching, some of you are beginning college for the first time, some are continuing on your current track, and some are returning after a break in your studies, or to begin a new area of study altogether.  Adjustment is the word as you move through your college experience, particularly during these unprecedented times.

Below are some tips to support your efforts for a success semester:

Prioritize your attendance: There’s no principal’s office in college, and you will not find many people clocking your time.  However, don’t cheat yourself by skipping class; you’ll miss out on lecture material, fall behind due to procrastination, and miss out on real-time connections with your classmates.  Protect your investment (remember, you’re paying) by showing up for class!

Avoid late work/make-up assignments and exams– Try to complete your work timely; make-up assignments and exams are difficult to schedule for both you and your professor, can compound your work in other courses, and may lead to the development of the poor habit of pushing things off.  Time management is imperative for your success!  If you need accommodations, apply early and openly communicate with your professors should an emergency arise.

Do your own work!– Plagiarism is not only an academic integrity offense, but it robs you the opportunity of showing off your abilities.  Be careful not to just change words around from a source; this is known as turn-of-phrase plagiarism, and is still considered cheating!  Always cite your sources.  Tutoring is available for free through NOVA, and includes paper reviews.  Having a late night?  Don’t fret! Tutor.com offers 24/7 tutoring services accessible through CANVAS.

Put down that phone– Even the best multi-taskers can get distracted by their phones.  Make sure to get the most of your lectures by putting your phone down; you won’t miss vital information, and will convey to your professor that you care and are paying attention.  Excessive use can impact your sleep and mood; too much social media time is liked to depression and anxiety symptoms.

Utilize academic advising– Check in with your advisor at least once a semester to make sure that you are taking the classes you desire, and that they follow the track of your degree or certification program.  They can also help you if you need to change or decrease your case load.  Academic advisors can inform you about extracurricular activities and other interests, and how to fit them into your schedule.

Join extracurricular activities– To round out your college experience, it’s a great idea to heck out and engage in clubs and campus activities.  Consider connecting with campus clubs and organizations, and joining the Virtual Student Union, which will allow you to forge relationships with your fellow students (and they make great résumé builders).

Stay healthy– Eat a healthy diet, get adequate sleep, and move your body!  Establish a routine in your school schedule and in your personal life, and maintain mental wellness through taking breaks, maintaining boundaries, and checking in with family and friends and expressing your feelings.  Resources for a variety of wellness needs are provided through the NOVACares office.  You can also reach out for help with concerns you have at NOVA by submitting a NOVACares report.

You are embarking on a remarkable journey to validate and expand your potential through higher education; display your talents and skills.  High fives to an awesome fall semester!