Tag Archives: Tip of the Week

What Does BIPOC Mean?

As BIPOC Mental Health Awareness Month is nearing its end and protests against racial inequality continue, you may be wondering what the acronym stands for.  Moving away from the term “minority” to describe non-white persons, BIPOC is the favored descriptor per organizations such as Mental Health America, to remove the connotation of non-white persons being “othered” in American society.

Below, in the article, What Does the Acronym BIPOC Mean?, author Kendra Cherry defines BIPOC, explains why the acronym matters, when and when not to use the term, and the implications of labeling and mislabeling others.

What Does BIPOC Mean?

As people work to educate themselves about racism and racial justice, there are new terms and acronyms that some people may not be familiar with. BIPOC is one acronym that has become more prevalent due to the 2020 George Floyd protests against police brutality and the Black Lives Matter movement. The acronym BIPOC stands for “Black, Indigenous, and People Of Color” and is pronounced “buy-pock” as opposed to saying each letter individually.

The BIPOC acronym originated from the term “people of color,” which itself emerged as a “person-first” way to take back the phrase “colored people” from its racist history. The BIPOC acronym builds on that, while also acknowledging that not all people of color have the same experiences or deal with the same types of injustice.

What Does Each Letter Mean?

Black refers to mid- to dark-toned complexions who often have African or Caribbean ancestry and who are often the descendants of people who were enslaved. Black Americans have a unique history that is not shared by people of color in other countries. They have been referred to by many names throughout U.S. history, including abhorrent slurs.

The addition of Black to the acronym highlights the specific forms of racism and oppression that Black Americans face.

Indigenous

Indigenous refers to groups native to the Americas who were here before the colonization by Europeans. This includes Native Americans, as well as Indigenous peoples from the Americas who have later immigrated to the U.S.

Indigenous people have experienced discrimination and mistreatment from official policies and practices as well as erasure of their culture and identity.

People of Color

People of color is an umbrella term to refer to non-white individuals who often face discrimination. Non-white people include those who have Asian, Middle Eastern, Indian, and Pacific Island heritage, among others.

While these groups are often included under the collective POC umbrella, it is important to remember that all of these people have their own cultural history and are often affected by prejudice and discrimination in different ways.

How Does BIPOC Relate to POC? 

POC on its own can often be seen as a way of erasing or minimizing the unique experiences of Black and Indigenous people. BIPOC, on the other hand, helps foster greater inclusion of people who have faced racism and mistreatment because of the color of their skin and their culture.

The acronym POC can be used to imply that all people of color (Asian, Latinx, Black, Pacific Islander, and Middle Eastern, for example) have the same or similar experiences. It can also appear to insinuate that people from non-white ethnic groups are interchangeable.

BIPOC aims to unite all people of color while also acknowledging the unique history of oppression, systemic racism, and cultural erasure that Black and Indigenous people face. BIPOC is a way of creating greater recognition and inclusion of these marginalized groups.

Acronyms such as BIPOC can play an important role in serving different identities in our society. The labeling of non-white people has a long, often discriminatory history. More recently in history, people have adopted terms intended to foster greater inclusivity and sensitivity, such as the phrase ‘person of color’ or ‘people of color.’

While POC has become a useful way to describe people of non-white backgrounds from all over the world, there is an emerging awareness that there is a need to include more people and acknowledge that some groups are often left out of the conversation. Indigenous people, for example, are often excluded from discussions of race issues.

By including Black and Indigenous, the BIPOC acronym specifically addresses two groups that have faced and continue to face prevalent discrimination, racism, and oppression.

Research has shown that racism and implicit bias can have a wide range of damaging consequences:

  • Black children, especially Black boys, are more likely to be singled out due to behavioral issues, making them more likely to face expulsion from school.
  • There is significant racial disparity in the treatment of Black defendants in legal proceedings. Black defendants are more likely to receive harsher and longer sentences than white defendants for the same or similar crimes. A report by the United States Sentencing Commission found that Black men receive sentences that are an average of 19.1% longer than those of white men.
  • Research has found that Indigenous people face discrimination and inequality in health care including stereotyping, abusive treatment, lack of access, and lower-quality care. Such disparities can have a significant detrimental impact on health and well-being.
  • Research has found that exposure to racial discrimination has a negative impact on the mental health of ethnic minorities. It is associated with increased symptoms of psychological distress, anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

According to The BIPOC Project, use of the term BIPOC is used “to highlight the unique relationship to whiteness that Indigenous and Black (African Americans) people have, which shapes the experiences of and relationship to white supremacy for all people of color within a U.S. context.”

Uses

Terms like BIPOC can be useful for broad inclusivity when referring to social groups. It is important to keep in mind, however, that these groups are not homogeneous. The BIPOC acronym appreciates the shared experiences and collective power of communities of color but recognizes that these experiences are not always the same and that these communities have unique histories and cultures.

Which Term to Use

How do you know when to use BIPOC or when another term might be more appropriate?

If you are talking about issues that affect both Black and Indigenous people, using BIPOC is appropriate.

When it comes to word choice, be as specific as possible. If you are referring to an individual and you know that person’s specific nationality, you should refer to them by it. If you are talking about an issue that affects a specific group, you should refer to that group specifically rather than use an umbrella term such as BIPOC or POC.

When Not to Use It

If you are referring to an individual or to an issue that affects a specific group of people, use a specific identifier and not a general acronym such as BIPOC.

For example:

  • If you are referring to issues that affect the Black community specifically, say Black.
  • If you are talking about something that affects Indigenous people specifically, say Indigenous people or refer to their specific tribe or nation.

Not everyone agrees with the use of BIPOC as an umbrella term, suggesting that using this type of generalist approach of lumping so many identities under one broad term erases the ways that racism affects people of different races.

Impact

Acronyms such as BIPOC are important because they are part of reclaiming discriminatory terms and removing their negative connotations. Historically, the term “colored people” was used as a way to “other” and discriminate against non-white people. The restructuring of that term as “people of color” places the emphasis on people first in order to make it more inclusive.

Person-first language focuses on putting a person before a label. It is often used in the context of disability and illness in order to avoid the marginalization and dehumanization of people with conditions or disabilities, but it can also be applied in other ways including in discussions of race.

Sometimes people may struggle to get used to newer terminology, particularly when their attitudes have been shaped by a white-dominant culture and systematic racism. If you or someone you know is struggling to understand why its important to adopt new acronyms and other terms related to race and identity, remember that language is always evolving. Old words fall out of favor and new ones take on new meaning.

So why is it so important to learn about and use acronyms like BIPOC even if they may eventually be changed or replaced? The use of such labels is an important part of inclusivity, particularly if you are not BIPOC. Acknowledging other people’s unique identities and experiences can help marginalized groups feel seen and heard, so it is a worthwhile task to learn new terminology and change how you refer to other people.

For example, older individuals may be more likely to address Black people as “African Americans” because they may have previously learned that the term was more appropriate than other labels. It is important to remember that while some people might prefer to be called “African American,” others prefer “Black.” This may be because many people cannot trace their background to a specific country or because they feel that the term is another way of “othering” Black people.

If it is something that seems like too much effort or too difficult to learn, remember that non-white people have had to regularly adapt their appearances and actions in order to accommodate white people in white spaces for generations, a phenomenon known as code-switching.

It’s worth it to make the effort to help people know that their identity is acknowledged, respected, and valued.

Language is shaped by our individual and societal views, but it is essential to remember that our perspective can also be influenced by the words we choose to use. It is critical to think about how language can be used to oppress and to discriminate. Once biased or racist words and phrases make their way into the mainstream, the use of such terms often goes unchallenged or the discriminatory origins are forgotten.

Changing terminology alone won’t change the systems or culture that uphold white supremacy, but making the conscious effort to be more inclusive in your language can help contribute to a world that is more accepting of diversity and supportive of racial justice.

Effects of Mislabeling

Terms and acronyms that refer to a person’s race are an important part of identity. Racial mislabeling can happen by mistake, but it can also be weaponized to inflict emotional harm. For example, mislabeling can be wielded to intentionally deny or invalidate someone’s racial identity.

Mislabeling can be defined as incidents in which one individual describes another person’s race as something different from how that individual self-identifies.

What to Do If You Get It Wrong

Mislabeling someone can be hurtful, but there are things that you can do to address it and make amends.

  • Apologize. Don’t get defensive, trivialize, joke, or make excuses. Say that you are sorry.
  • Thank the other person for correcting your mistake. If someone takes the time to correct you, express your gratitude.
  • Commit to doing better in the future. Do what you need to do to make sure that you don’t make the same mistake again.
  • Educate yourself. Use the Internet—Google is your friend. Read books about race and identity. Work to raise your awareness of issues surrounding race, white supremacy, and racism. Don’t expect others to do the work for you. People are not obligated to take time out of their lives to teach you about their experiences. Instead, seek out information created by BIPOC organizations, educators, writers, and artists to learn more.

Resources

There are many ways to further educate yourself about racism and learn more about how you can foster inclusivity and support antiracism.

 Books

  • How To Be An Antiracist by Dr. Ibram X. Kendi
  • Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad
  • So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo
  • The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration In The Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander

 Organizations

Source: What Does the Acronym BIPOC Mean? by Kendra Cherry; https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-bipoc-5025158

Stuck at Your Computer? Quick Break Ideas

Now more than ever, the pandemic has us stuck in front of our computers to engage in school, work, social contact, and taking care of duties like bills and grocery shopping.  As sitting and engaging with your computer too long is detrimental, frequent breaks are necessary.

It is recommended that for your eyes, you should follow the 20-20-20 rule:  Every 20 minutes, look away from your computer 20 feet away for 20 seconds to combat eye fatigue.  Micro-breaks are two minutes or less, and are quick way to take a physical break from your computer (and chair) to help your back and other muscles engaged when sitting.  Rest breaks are advised every 30 to 60 minutes to give you the fullest benefits of renewed energy by stepping away from the computer, physically and mentally.

As you know, too much of anything can be harmful, so here are some tips to get your away from your computer for a break!

Micro-breaks:

  • Stretch!  Bend over and touch your toes, reach your arms above your head and touch your palms…just move!
  • Pace around your home to get the blood moving
  • Grab a healthy snack; berries, fresh veggies, kale chips- explore your fridge and cabinets
  • Send a thank you email, or leave a review for a recent purchase
  • Tidy your workstation- toss those stray Post-it notes, take your dishes to the sink, and do a little sanitizing
  • Do nothing for 2 minutes; if you touch your keyboard or mouse, you’ll have to start over!
  • Enjoy a cup of tea or coffee
  • Add a bullet to your bucket list

Rest breaks:

    • Take a quick walk; you can even sneak in a quick call to a friend or family member
    • Take a 15 minute nap; you’ll wake re-energized to get back to work
    • Listen to an inspiring TED talk to motivate you to keep going
    • Watch the opening sequence of a late night show; you’ll get a quick news recap and a few chuckles!
    • Sit outside and observe nature, take in the sounds and sights
    • Take a dance break!  Put on your favorite artist, or give a new one a try

The Seven Dimensions of Wellness

Wellness is often used to describe care of your physical health through exercise and nutrition, however, overall wellness goes beyond physiology.  To help bolster the idea that wellness includes more than your body, seven dimensions of wellness have been developed to encourage higher quality of life, and to remind us that neglecting a dimension, or overly focusing on one will lead to an imbalance.

Emotional– this dimension highlights the importance of acknowledging and accepting the whole range of your emotions, and that by doing so, you will strengthen the relationships with yourself, others, and the intimacy experienced in those relationships.  Wellness in this area includes self-esteem, optimism, the ability to cope with changes and stressors, asserting boundaries, and feelings of autonomy.

Spiritual– spirituality is encompassed by the search for meaning and purpose in the existence of humans.  It includes a sense of connectedness to life and nature, the universe, and with those around us.  Most notably, this dimension is about establishing consistency in your values and beliefs, and living them.  Spiritual wellness includes hope, faith, and finding harmony and peace in your life.

Intellectual– this dimension focuses on creativity, learning, and mental stimulation.  Strength is built through balancing your interests with the awareness of current events and issues.  Wellness is achieved by seeking what is learned, and applying it when making decisions, navigating relationships, and embracing lifelong learning opportunities.

Physical–  Wellness in this area is primarily achieved through moving your body.  It is also important to achieve adequate nutrition, and avoiding behaviors like smoking and drinking that can cause poor health.  Taking precautions and purposefully engaging in physical activity are key.

Social– this dimension is focused on connection with others.  Finding your place in society through your contributions is a hallmark, and you can support your self-acceptance and esteem through relationships with those that are supportive and encouraging of you.  You can gain a sense of wellness by being present for others as well.

Occupational- this dimension focuses on a sense of accomplishment, success and growth through your career, while balancing duties and aspirations with the other areas of your life.  Wellness is achieved through positive feelings from contributing, personal satisfaction with your output and acknowledgment from others of your talents and skills.

Environmental– Wellness in this dimension is achieved by caring for the environment through conservation, recycling, reuse and protection efforts.  Recognizing that your actions and choices have an impact on the environment will help you prioritize your values related to the world around you, and shape your daily habits.

How to Be Supportive Without “Fixing”

It is very human to want to help someone, particularly someone you care about, when you see them stressed out or in pain.  It is also very human to seek validation for your own experiences.  Can you recall a time you needed to be heard, and someone told you what you “should” do instead?  Not very helpful, huh?

As illustrated in the short video below, we can use empathy to be present for others during their struggles as to not fall into “fixing” mode- although well-intentioned, unless your thoughts and advice are requested, you should avoid giving them as to not alienate the person opening up to you, because advice may not be what they are seeking, or what they feel they need right then.  Do not assume what they may need- ask them how you can help them in the moment to support their feelings, not to fix the issue.

Be an active listener, seeking the message being sent to you, instead of thinking of what you want to say next.  You can reflect to the speaker that you heard them by repeating back in your words what they said, asking for clarification, and even just saying things like, “wow, that sounds rough,” and “what a difficult day you had.”  Doing so illustrates that you represent a safe space where the speaker can open up, instead of a person who may be judging or not understanding them.  You can also ask open ended questions, such as, “what happened next?” and “how did that make you feel?”  These invite the speaker to fully express their feelings, and helps you truly hear them.

A discussion between you and the person you care for should occur to help you both articulate the ways that you like to give and receive support in your relationship, and to create space for you both to address issues together, instead of working against each other.  This is pertinent practice for you to advocate for yourself when someone is trying to support you, and for you to know how to best assist someone when called on to do so.

For additional information on supporting and not fixing, check out the following:

It’s Not About The Nail                              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

Stop Trying to Fix Things, Just Listen! https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/skills-healthy-relationships/201606/stop-trying-fix-things-just-listen

Relationship Advice: How to Stop “Fixing” and Start Listening https://www.growingself.com/stop-fixing/

How to show up for a friend without trying to fix their problems, according to a therapist                         https://hellogiggles.com/lifestyle/how-to-support-a-friend-without-fixing-problems/

Daily Affirmations for a Positive Mindset

Increasing expectations for productivity and perfection placed on each of us in a world of “Go! Go! Go!” can bring about feelings of frustration, failure, and negativity.  Having a rainbow of emotions is something we all experience and have to manage.   At times, feeling low or upset can make getting through the day seem impossible, and that the world expects you to ALWAYS smile through your pain.  Healthy positivity entails being honest about your feelings and expectations with yourself and others, not expecting or trying to attain perfection, and acknowledging your mood has direct implications on your outlook and output in a given day.

Reciting daily affirmations is a tool to help combat negativity.  You can try the examples below, and may enjoy coming up with your own.  Place them in locations you encounter early in your day, like your bathroom mirror or refrigerator door.  Consider using objects, like keychains, or participating in The Kindness Rocks Project . You can also utilize an app, like ThinkUp (iOS and Android devices.), to search affirmations and record your own, or put an affirmation in the subject line of your phone alarm clock.  Remember: “You are what you think!”

  • I am loved, and I am lovable.
  • I am enough.
  • I let go of past hurts as they no longer serve me.
  • I am capable.
  • I will not compare myself to strangers on the internet.
  • I will utilize my talents today.
  • I wake up today with strength in my heart, and clarity in my mind.
  • My fears of the unknown are fading away.
  • I’m getting stronger every day.
  • I can do this.
  • I have the courage to say no.
  • I will not take negativity from others personally.
  • This is my body, and I love it.
  • It is fine for me to make mistakes; I will use them to grow.
  • I will not apologize for being myself.
  • My goals are my focus.
  • Success is in my future.
  • I will not sweat the small stuff.
  • I will work smarter, not harder.
  • I will celebrate the small victories.

NOVACares does not endorse the application referenced above; it is included for illustrative purposes only.

Moving From Racism and Discrimination to Healing and Inclusion

If you have been paying attention to the news and social media outlets in the past week, you undoubtedly have seen events unfolding around policy brutality, racial injustice, and frustrations of many boiling over as we continue to navigate the COVID-19 pandemic.  One pressing issue on the minds of many is regarding privilege.

Privilege is unseen to those that have it, and we each have to be mindful not to diminish or dismiss experiences, hardships or traumas of others just because it is not our direct experience.  To do so is alienating, and furthers the divide between humans.  Seeking and succeeding in solidarity requires us to give focus to the traits and experiences that highlight commonalities among us instead of solely focusing on what makes us different, and treating those differences as negatives or deficiencies.  Appreciation of those differences will also serve to connect us, if we allow space to appreciate individual and cultural uniqueness.

As the days move forward, many difficult conversations will be had about privilege, community and law enforcement relations, and racial inequality.  You may experience uncertainty about what to do for yourself or others, engage in self-evaluation about personal and implicit biases, and feel diminished hope because the pain feels too great.  However, there are means to maintain hope and contribute to move our community forward.

Ways you can take care of yourself include taking a pause and logging off social media accounts, limiting your news intake, and avoiding comment sections if the content overwhelms you.  Take a moment to think before you type and respond, take deep breaths and disconnect if you need to, and allow yourself to revisit content at a later time. It is okay to ask others about their experiences to gain awareness of perspectives you may not be attuned to, and allow this to bolster your relationships and self-growth.

Ways you can support others include checking in with your family, friends and neighbors, encouraging them to engage in self-care, and linking them to resources if you suspect they are struggling with their mental health.  Hearing your loved ones out on their experiences and thoughts about race relations is a very validating and supportive way to be present for them.

If you or anyone you know is struggling at this time, you can text HOME to 741741 for confidential chat support from trained staff, or call 1-800-273-8255 (available 24/7).

NOVACares Lauches New Mental Health Referral Database for Students, Faculty and Staff

The NOVACares Office is proud to announce that the NOVACares Mental Health Provider Search Database (“NOVACARES Counseling Referral System”) has been upgraded and updated for a more productive search for local mental health providers. The NOVACares Office has personally contacted the 157 providers, as of this writing, in the database to verify their license to practice and requested that they update their profile to include changes in insurances accepted, sliding scale/reduced fees for NOVA, waiting time, accepting new patients, and if they are offering telehealth services. Our listed providers include providers that service Virginia, Maryland, Washington DC, and beyond. Faculty, staff and students are encouraged to use the database to locate providers matching their search criteria. The NOVACares Office is still recruiting providers to be listed in the database and will conduct an extensive outreach campaign over the summer and fall.

To start your search for a mental health provider visit:  https://www.nvcc.edu/novacares/index.html 

Click on Mental Health Provider Database on the left bar.

 

 

 

 

NOVACARES COUNSELING REFERRAL SYSTEM

If you are at risk in anyway (e.g., considering suicide or at risk of other physical harm) please dial 9-1-1 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. You may also visit the your nearest emergency room or contact NOVA police at 703-764-5000. If you would like additional non-emergency support for yourself or another student that you are concerned about, please file a NOVACares report at www.nvcc.edu/novacares.

The providers participating in the database supply their own information about their services. We cannot guarantee the accuracy, completeness, or timeliness of the information provided. We are also unable to endorse any particular provider that is listed. It will be important to verify information with the provider that most interests you, including fees and other arrangements. Contact your insurance company if you need to ensure that the clinician you select is a participating provider.

Setting and Maintaining Healthy Boundaries


Boundaries are absolutely vital for healthy relationships- most importantly, your relationship with yourself.  It is a way to maintain balance in your life by learning, acknowledging and holding others to your personal limits.  This supports positive self-image and healthy self-esteem.  For most of us, it is not a skill we were taught, rather, through experience and watching others, we determine what is- and is not- acceptable for each of us.  As this skill can be challenging to develop and maintain, below are some tips from Dr. Dana Gionta for setting and maintaining healthy boundaries (courtesy of Psych Central article, 10 Ways to Build and Preserve Better Boundaries by Margarita Tartakovsky, MS):

  1. Name your limits.

You can’t set good boundaries if you’re unsure of where you stand. So identify your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual limits, Gionta said. Consider what you can tolerate and accept and what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed.  “Those feelings help us identify what our limits are.”

  1. Tune into your feelings.

Gionta has observed two key feelings in others that are red flags or cues that we’re letting go of our boundaries: discomfort and resentment. She suggested thinking of these feelings on a continuum from one to 10. Six to 10 is in the higher zone, she said.

If you’re at the higher end of this continuum, during an interaction or in a situation, Gionta suggested asking yourself, what is causing that? What is it about this interaction, or the person’s expectation that is bothering me?

Resentment usually “comes from being taken advantage of or not appreciated.” It’s often a sign that we’re pushing ourselves either beyond our own limits because we feel guilty (and want to be a good daughter or wife, for instance), or someone else is imposing their expectations, views or values on us, she said.

“When someone acts in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, that’s a cue to us they may be violating or crossing a boundary,” Gionta said.

  1. Be direct.

With some people, maintaining healthy boundaries doesn’t require a direct and clear-cut dialogue. Usually, this is the case if people are similar in their communication styles, views, personalities and general approach to life, Gionta said. They’ll “approach each other similarly.”

With others, such as those who have a different personality or cultural background, you’ll need to be more direct about your boundaries. Consider the following example: “one person feels [that] challenging someone’s opinions is a healthy way of communicating,” but to another person this feels disrespectful and tense.

There are other times you might need to be direct. For instance, in a romantic relationship, time can become a boundary issue, Gionta said. Partners might need to talk about how much time they need to maintain their sense of self and how much time to spend together.

  1. Give yourself permission.

Fear, guilt and self-doubt are big potential pitfalls, Gionta said. We might fear the other person’s response if we set and enforce our boundaries. We might feel guilty by speaking up or saying no to a family member. Many believe that they should be able to cope with a situation or say yes because they’re a good daughter or son, even though they “feel drained or taken advantage of.” We might wonder if we even deserve to have boundaries in the first place.

Boundaries aren’t just a sign of a healthy relationship; they’re a sign of self-respect. So give yourself the permission to set boundaries and work to preserve them.

  1. Practice self-awareness.

Again, boundaries are all about honing in on your feelings and honoring them. If you notice yourself slipping and not sustaining your boundaries, Gionta suggested asking yourself: What’s changed? Consider “What I am doing or [what is] the other person doing?” or “What is the situation eliciting that’s making me resentful or stressed?” Then, mull over your options: “What am I going to do about the situation? What do I have control over?”

  1. Consider your past and present.

How you were raised along with your role in your family can become additional obstacles in setting and preserving boundaries. If you held the role of caretaker, you learned to focus on others, letting yourself be drained emotionally or physically, Gionta said. Ignoring your own needs might have become the norm for you.

Also, think about the people you surround yourself with, she said. “Are the relationships reciprocal?” Is there a healthy give and take?

Beyond relationships, your environment might be unhealthy, too. For instance, if your workday is eight hours a day, but your co-workers stay at least 10 to 11, “there’s an implicit expectation to go above and beyond” at work, Gionta said. It can be challenging being the only one or one of a few trying to maintain healthy boundaries, she said. Again, this is where tuning into your feelings and needs and honoring them becomes critical.

  1. Make self-care a priority.

Gionta helps her clients make self-care a priority, which also involves giving yourself permission to put yourself first. When we do this, “our need and motivation to set boundaries become stronger,” she said. Self-care also means recognizing the importance of your feelings and honoring them. These feelings serve as “important cues about our wellbeing and about what makes us happy and unhappy.”

Putting yourself first also gives you the “energy, peace of mind and positive outlook to be more present with others and be there” for them.” And “When we’re in a better place, we can be a better wife, mother, husband, co-worker or friend.”

  1. Seek support.

If you’re having a hard time with boundaries, “seek some support, whether [that’s a] support group, church, counseling, coaching or good friends.” With friends or family, you can even make “it a priority with each other to practice setting boundaries together [and] hold each other accountable.”

Consider seeking support through resources, too. Gionta likes the following books: The Art of Extreme Self-Care: Transform Your Life One Month at a Time and Boundaries in Marriage (along with several books on boundaries by the same authors).

  1. Be assertive.

Of course, we know that it’s not enough to create boundaries; we actually have to follow through. Even though we know intellectually that people aren’t mind readers, we still expect others to know what hurts us, Gionta said. Since they don’t, it’s important to assertively communicate with the other person when they’ve crossed a boundary.

In a respectful way, let the other person know what in particular is bothersome to you and that you can work together to address it, Gionta said.

  1. Start small.

Like any new skill, assertively communicating your boundaries takes practice. Gionta suggested starting with a small boundary that isn’t threatening to you, and then incrementally increasing to more challenging boundaries. “Build upon your success, and [at first] try not to take on something that feels overwhelming.”

“Setting boundaries takes courage, practice and support,” Gionta said. And remember that it’s a skill you can master.

Source:  https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries/

Cumulative Stress: What is it, and what to do about it

Cumulative stress is an accumulation of stress that impacts bodily functioning, cognitive output, mood and your ability to function healthily.  Stress can be both positive; such as working towards a degree or getting a promotion, and negative; such as making a major life decision or experiencing a loss.  The impact of these positive and negative stressors without the balance of self-care and routine can be detrimental to your health and overall functioning, resulting in illness, injury, feelings of depletion, and inability to meet goals and fulfill obligations.

To manage your stress, “keep your bucket full,” meaning, be purposeful in replenishing your energy through adequate sleep, healthy diet, exercise, healthy relationships and hobbies.  If you do not, you may end up involuntarily refilling your bucket after a sickness or injury, when you have no choice but to sit and rest.

Per the Office of Student and Community Services, Department of Student Services of Montgomery County Public Schools in Rockville, Maryland, here are some ways to combat cumulative stress:

  • Create a daily routine to help regain a sense of control
  • Eat balanced, healthy meals
  • Get extra rest to let your body relax and recover
  • Exercise
  • Let frustration and anger out through safe, exhausting physical activity
  • Ask for support from friends, colleagues, and loved ones
  • Avoid alcohol, drugs, and tobacco
  • Limit caffeine
  • Don’t dwell on news of the crisis; gather the information you need, then turn off the TV or radio
  • Be aware of the impact of your own past experiences on your current functioning
  • Seek mental health assistance when you are concerned about your reactions.

For more information on cumulative stress, visit:

https://jamesclear.com/cumulative-stress

https://www.montgomeryschoolsmd.org/emergency/resources/mental-cumulative.aspx