Tag Archives: Advocate

The “S” Word- What To Do To Prevent Suicide

The National Suicide Hotline Designation Act has passed in the US House of Representatives today!  It aims to create a three-digit number (988) for suicide prevention and mental health crises, and direct calls to the already-established National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.  Having previously passed in the Senate, it is awaiting presidential approval and signature, and will require all telephone service providers to route calls from the Lifeline to 988 by July 16, 2022.

In the meantime, here are some resources to assist you in finding suicide prevention information, contacts and resources for yourself and others.  As safety is paramount, if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, or know of someone that is, calling 911 is the first line of intervention.  You may also go to your local emergency room for assistance.

Note: This information is not exhaustive, nor is its inclusion an endorsement by The Office of Wellness and Mental Health.

Who to contact:

  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
    • Available 24/7
    • 1-800-273-8255, or chat
    • 1-888-628-9454 (Spanish Language)
    • 711 (Deaf or hard of hearing)
    • 1-800-273-8255 and press 1, text 838255, or chat (Veterans)
  • PRS Crisis Link Hotline (Northern Virginia):
    • Available 24/7
    • 703-527-4077 or text CONNECT to 85511
    • 711 (Deaf or hard of hearing)
  • Crisis Text Line:
    • Available 24/7
    • Text HOME to 741741
  • The Trevor Project (LGBT):
    • Available 24/7
    • 1-866-488-7386
    • Text START to 678678
    • TrevorCHAT

Warning signs that intervention may be necessary:

  • Talking about:
    • Killing themselves
    • Having no reason to live
    • Not wanting to live
    • Feeling trapped
    • Not wanting to be here anymore
    • Experiencing unbearable pain
    • Feeling like a burden to others
  • Exhibiting behaviors of:
    • Withdrawing from activities
    • Isolating from others
    • Increased drinking or substance use
    • Recklessness
    • Aggression
    • Planning ways to kill themselves, including internet searches and gathering means to inflict harm
    • Cutting, or other self-harm actions
    • Sleeping too much, or not enough
    • Giving away treasured possessions
    • Goodbye calls and/or visits to others
  • Displaying signs of:
    • Abrupt/erratic changes in mood
    • Depression
    • Irritability
    • Anhedonia (lack of interest in activities once enjoyed)
    • Rage
    • Feeling humiliated, attacked, dismissed or singled out

Resources on suicide and self-harm:

Although suicide is a difficult topic and experience for many, we cannot remain silent.  If you or a classmate/colleague/friend/family member is struggling, remember, there is hope and help is out there.  Let’s work together to quell our fear of the “s” word, to keep each other safe and well, and to end the stigma of self-harm and suicidal thinking.  You are not alone, your life is precious, and you are worthy of becoming your best self; you just have to be around to see how far you can fly!

Learning, Time Management and Organization Apps for Those Needing a Boost

Recognizing that technology is a regular part of our daily functioning, and can be used to benefit us in the day to day, below is a compiled list of apps that may assist you through your learning journey.

Free apps were included, as available.  Apps being included in this list does not equate to endorsement by NOVACares or Northern Virginia Community College.

Apps for Tutoring, Studying Assistance & Time Management

Chegg Tutors

Tutor.com To-Go

TutorMe

Audio Note Lite (Android) (iOs)

Educreations Interactive Whiteboard

inClass

myHomework

Grammarly

 

Apps for Learners with Dyslexia

Sound Literacy

Read the Text for Me

Pocket

SnapType

Mental Note Lite

Teen & Adult Phonics Library

Lectio

Practice English Grammar- Free

Grammar Up- Free

ModMath

Apps for Learners with Attention Issues

Voice Dream

RescueTime

Finish

Remember the Milk (Android) (iOs)

Brain Focus

Asana (Android) (iOs)

 

Apps for Learners with Autism Spectrum Disorders

CommBoards Lite- AAC Speech Assistant

MoodPanda (Android) (iOs)

HabitRPG

Routinely

Todoist

Dropophone

Apps for Stress Management

Headspace

Calm

10% Happier

The Mindfulness App

My Life

What Does BIPOC Mean?

As BIPOC Mental Health Awareness Month is nearing its end and protests against racial inequality continue, you may be wondering what the acronym stands for.  Moving away from the term “minority” to describe non-white persons, BIPOC is the favored descriptor per organizations such as Mental Health America, to remove the connotation of non-white persons being “othered” in American society.

Below, in the article, What Does the Acronym BIPOC Mean?, author Kendra Cherry defines BIPOC, explains why the acronym matters, when and when not to use the term, and the implications of labeling and mislabeling others.

What Does BIPOC Mean?

As people work to educate themselves about racism and racial justice, there are new terms and acronyms that some people may not be familiar with. BIPOC is one acronym that has become more prevalent due to the 2020 George Floyd protests against police brutality and the Black Lives Matter movement. The acronym BIPOC stands for “Black, Indigenous, and People Of Color” and is pronounced “buy-pock” as opposed to saying each letter individually.

The BIPOC acronym originated from the term “people of color,” which itself emerged as a “person-first” way to take back the phrase “colored people” from its racist history. The BIPOC acronym builds on that, while also acknowledging that not all people of color have the same experiences or deal with the same types of injustice.

What Does Each Letter Mean?

Black refers to mid- to dark-toned complexions who often have African or Caribbean ancestry and who are often the descendants of people who were enslaved. Black Americans have a unique history that is not shared by people of color in other countries. They have been referred to by many names throughout U.S. history, including abhorrent slurs.

The addition of Black to the acronym highlights the specific forms of racism and oppression that Black Americans face.

Indigenous

Indigenous refers to groups native to the Americas who were here before the colonization by Europeans. This includes Native Americans, as well as Indigenous peoples from the Americas who have later immigrated to the U.S.

Indigenous people have experienced discrimination and mistreatment from official policies and practices as well as erasure of their culture and identity.

People of Color

People of color is an umbrella term to refer to non-white individuals who often face discrimination. Non-white people include those who have Asian, Middle Eastern, Indian, and Pacific Island heritage, among others.

While these groups are often included under the collective POC umbrella, it is important to remember that all of these people have their own cultural history and are often affected by prejudice and discrimination in different ways.

How Does BIPOC Relate to POC? 

POC on its own can often be seen as a way of erasing or minimizing the unique experiences of Black and Indigenous people. BIPOC, on the other hand, helps foster greater inclusion of people who have faced racism and mistreatment because of the color of their skin and their culture.

The acronym POC can be used to imply that all people of color (Asian, Latinx, Black, Pacific Islander, and Middle Eastern, for example) have the same or similar experiences. It can also appear to insinuate that people from non-white ethnic groups are interchangeable.

BIPOC aims to unite all people of color while also acknowledging the unique history of oppression, systemic racism, and cultural erasure that Black and Indigenous people face. BIPOC is a way of creating greater recognition and inclusion of these marginalized groups.

Acronyms such as BIPOC can play an important role in serving different identities in our society. The labeling of non-white people has a long, often discriminatory history. More recently in history, people have adopted terms intended to foster greater inclusivity and sensitivity, such as the phrase ‘person of color’ or ‘people of color.’

While POC has become a useful way to describe people of non-white backgrounds from all over the world, there is an emerging awareness that there is a need to include more people and acknowledge that some groups are often left out of the conversation. Indigenous people, for example, are often excluded from discussions of race issues.

By including Black and Indigenous, the BIPOC acronym specifically addresses two groups that have faced and continue to face prevalent discrimination, racism, and oppression.

Research has shown that racism and implicit bias can have a wide range of damaging consequences:

  • Black children, especially Black boys, are more likely to be singled out due to behavioral issues, making them more likely to face expulsion from school.
  • There is significant racial disparity in the treatment of Black defendants in legal proceedings. Black defendants are more likely to receive harsher and longer sentences than white defendants for the same or similar crimes. A report by the United States Sentencing Commission found that Black men receive sentences that are an average of 19.1% longer than those of white men.
  • Research has found that Indigenous people face discrimination and inequality in health care including stereotyping, abusive treatment, lack of access, and lower-quality care. Such disparities can have a significant detrimental impact on health and well-being.
  • Research has found that exposure to racial discrimination has a negative impact on the mental health of ethnic minorities. It is associated with increased symptoms of psychological distress, anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

According to The BIPOC Project, use of the term BIPOC is used “to highlight the unique relationship to whiteness that Indigenous and Black (African Americans) people have, which shapes the experiences of and relationship to white supremacy for all people of color within a U.S. context.”

Uses

Terms like BIPOC can be useful for broad inclusivity when referring to social groups. It is important to keep in mind, however, that these groups are not homogeneous. The BIPOC acronym appreciates the shared experiences and collective power of communities of color but recognizes that these experiences are not always the same and that these communities have unique histories and cultures.

Which Term to Use

How do you know when to use BIPOC or when another term might be more appropriate?

If you are talking about issues that affect both Black and Indigenous people, using BIPOC is appropriate.

When it comes to word choice, be as specific as possible. If you are referring to an individual and you know that person’s specific nationality, you should refer to them by it. If you are talking about an issue that affects a specific group, you should refer to that group specifically rather than use an umbrella term such as BIPOC or POC.

When Not to Use It

If you are referring to an individual or to an issue that affects a specific group of people, use a specific identifier and not a general acronym such as BIPOC.

For example:

  • If you are referring to issues that affect the Black community specifically, say Black.
  • If you are talking about something that affects Indigenous people specifically, say Indigenous people or refer to their specific tribe or nation.

Not everyone agrees with the use of BIPOC as an umbrella term, suggesting that using this type of generalist approach of lumping so many identities under one broad term erases the ways that racism affects people of different races.

Impact

Acronyms such as BIPOC are important because they are part of reclaiming discriminatory terms and removing their negative connotations. Historically, the term “colored people” was used as a way to “other” and discriminate against non-white people. The restructuring of that term as “people of color” places the emphasis on people first in order to make it more inclusive.

Person-first language focuses on putting a person before a label. It is often used in the context of disability and illness in order to avoid the marginalization and dehumanization of people with conditions or disabilities, but it can also be applied in other ways including in discussions of race.

Sometimes people may struggle to get used to newer terminology, particularly when their attitudes have been shaped by a white-dominant culture and systematic racism. If you or someone you know is struggling to understand why its important to adopt new acronyms and other terms related to race and identity, remember that language is always evolving. Old words fall out of favor and new ones take on new meaning.

So why is it so important to learn about and use acronyms like BIPOC even if they may eventually be changed or replaced? The use of such labels is an important part of inclusivity, particularly if you are not BIPOC. Acknowledging other people’s unique identities and experiences can help marginalized groups feel seen and heard, so it is a worthwhile task to learn new terminology and change how you refer to other people.

For example, older individuals may be more likely to address Black people as “African Americans” because they may have previously learned that the term was more appropriate than other labels. It is important to remember that while some people might prefer to be called “African American,” others prefer “Black.” This may be because many people cannot trace their background to a specific country or because they feel that the term is another way of “othering” Black people.

If it is something that seems like too much effort or too difficult to learn, remember that non-white people have had to regularly adapt their appearances and actions in order to accommodate white people in white spaces for generations, a phenomenon known as code-switching.

It’s worth it to make the effort to help people know that their identity is acknowledged, respected, and valued.

Language is shaped by our individual and societal views, but it is essential to remember that our perspective can also be influenced by the words we choose to use. It is critical to think about how language can be used to oppress and to discriminate. Once biased or racist words and phrases make their way into the mainstream, the use of such terms often goes unchallenged or the discriminatory origins are forgotten.

Changing terminology alone won’t change the systems or culture that uphold white supremacy, but making the conscious effort to be more inclusive in your language can help contribute to a world that is more accepting of diversity and supportive of racial justice.

Effects of Mislabeling

Terms and acronyms that refer to a person’s race are an important part of identity. Racial mislabeling can happen by mistake, but it can also be weaponized to inflict emotional harm. For example, mislabeling can be wielded to intentionally deny or invalidate someone’s racial identity.

Mislabeling can be defined as incidents in which one individual describes another person’s race as something different from how that individual self-identifies.

What to Do If You Get It Wrong

Mislabeling someone can be hurtful, but there are things that you can do to address it and make amends.

  • Apologize. Don’t get defensive, trivialize, joke, or make excuses. Say that you are sorry.
  • Thank the other person for correcting your mistake. If someone takes the time to correct you, express your gratitude.
  • Commit to doing better in the future. Do what you need to do to make sure that you don’t make the same mistake again.
  • Educate yourself. Use the Internet—Google is your friend. Read books about race and identity. Work to raise your awareness of issues surrounding race, white supremacy, and racism. Don’t expect others to do the work for you. People are not obligated to take time out of their lives to teach you about their experiences. Instead, seek out information created by BIPOC organizations, educators, writers, and artists to learn more.

Resources

There are many ways to further educate yourself about racism and learn more about how you can foster inclusivity and support antiracism.

 Books

  • How To Be An Antiracist by Dr. Ibram X. Kendi
  • Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad
  • So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo
  • The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration In The Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander

 Organizations

Source: What Does the Acronym BIPOC Mean? by Kendra Cherry; https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-bipoc-5025158

Champion of Minority Mental Health: Bebe Moore Campbell

In May 2008, the United States House of Representatives declared July as Bebe Moore Campbell National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month, also known as National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month and BIPOC* Mental Health Awareness Month.  This declaration was the result of advocate and author Bebe Moore Campbell seeking to highlight mental health concerns in minority communities, particularly the Black community, as well as the disparities in treatment and mortality in these communities compared to white communities.

Bebe Moore Campbell was a teacher, journalist, and best-selling author, writing for publications such as The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence and Ebony before transitioning to fiction novel writing.  Although fiction was her focus in the 1990s, she wrote about the stereotyping of Black people, and countered them by choosing to paint her characters as wealthy and successful.  She also focused on real events impacting the Black community, such as the lynching of Emmett Till.

Moore Campbell first focused on mental health in the Black community through the writing of her children’s book, Sometimes My Mommy Gets Angry, highlighting a little girl’s experience of growing up with a mentally ill mother.  She was awarded an Outstanding Media Award for Literature by The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) for this book in 2003.  She followed up with The 72-Hour Hold, referencing the typical length of time someone is placed under an involuntary psychiatric hospitalization order.  This book focused on bipolar disorder, and was inspired by a family member of Bebe.

Bebe Moore Campbell was also a founding member of the NAMI Inglewood chapter, which expanded into the NAMI Urban Los Angeles Chapter in California.  She advocated by speaking out against stigma of mental illness, and promoted treatment and education in communities of color, and used her platform to push this agenda into the focus of mainstream society.  She assembled a taskforce along with her friend, Linda Wharton-Boyd, to push legislation to spread awareness, encourage mental health checkups, access to medications, community mental health services, and declaration of a minority mental health awareness month.  Sadly, Bebe Moore Campbell abruptly became ill with brain cancer, and lost her battle with the disease in November 2006.  Wharton-Boyd continued the rally for an awareness month, and Representatives Albert Wynn of Maryland and Diane Watson of California co-signed legislation, which passed.

Although strides have been made to reduce stigma and connect people to mental health care, more work is still to be done in BIPOC* communities.  An American Psychological Association report found that in 2015, only 4% of psychologists are Black, 5% are Hispanic, and 5% are Asian.  Roughly 30% of Black and Hispanic adults living with mental illness actually receive care, and there is continued lack of access to medications and preventative community mental health care.  We can honor Bebe Moore Campbell’s efforts by striving for inclusivity and wide reaching access to care, and continued advocacy efforts against stigma, and for prevention to curb the need for inpatient psychiatric hospitalizations.  Equity in mental health care is wellness for us all!

 

For resources, information and statistics related to minority mental health, check out:

Learn About Minority Mental Health Month

Bebe Moore Campbell Was the Champion for Mental Health We Need Right Now

Mental Health Disparities: Diverse Populations 

National Alliance on Mental Health

Black Mental Health Matters (resources) 

Black Mental Health Alliance 

Mental Health Resources for Black, Indigenous and People of Color (BIPOC)

BIPOC Mental Health

Mental and Behavioral Health-Hispanics

National Latino Behavioral Health Association 

 

*Black and Indigenous Persons of Color

 

How to Be Supportive Without “Fixing”

It is very human to want to help someone, particularly someone you care about, when you see them stressed out or in pain.  It is also very human to seek validation for your own experiences.  Can you recall a time you needed to be heard, and someone told you what you “should” do instead?  Not very helpful, huh?

As illustrated in the short video below, we can use empathy to be present for others during their struggles as to not fall into “fixing” mode- although well-intentioned, unless your thoughts and advice are requested, you should avoid giving them as to not alienate the person opening up to you, because advice may not be what they are seeking, or what they feel they need right then.  Do not assume what they may need- ask them how you can help them in the moment to support their feelings, not to fix the issue.

Be an active listener, seeking the message being sent to you, instead of thinking of what you want to say next.  You can reflect to the speaker that you heard them by repeating back in your words what they said, asking for clarification, and even just saying things like, “wow, that sounds rough,” and “what a difficult day you had.”  Doing so illustrates that you represent a safe space where the speaker can open up, instead of a person who may be judging or not understanding them.  You can also ask open ended questions, such as, “what happened next?” and “how did that make you feel?”  These invite the speaker to fully express their feelings, and helps you truly hear them.

A discussion between you and the person you care for should occur to help you both articulate the ways that you like to give and receive support in your relationship, and to create space for you both to address issues together, instead of working against each other.  This is pertinent practice for you to advocate for yourself when someone is trying to support you, and for you to know how to best assist someone when called on to do so.

For additional information on supporting and not fixing, check out the following:

It’s Not About The Nail                              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

Stop Trying to Fix Things, Just Listen! https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/skills-healthy-relationships/201606/stop-trying-fix-things-just-listen

Relationship Advice: How to Stop “Fixing” and Start Listening https://www.growingself.com/stop-fixing/

How to show up for a friend without trying to fix their problems, according to a therapist                         https://hellogiggles.com/lifestyle/how-to-support-a-friend-without-fixing-problems/

Moving From Racism and Discrimination to Healing and Inclusion

If you have been paying attention to the news and social media outlets in the past week, you undoubtedly have seen events unfolding around policy brutality, racial injustice, and frustrations of many boiling over as we continue to navigate the COVID-19 pandemic.  One pressing issue on the minds of many is regarding privilege.

Privilege is unseen to those that have it, and we each have to be mindful not to diminish or dismiss experiences, hardships or traumas of others just because it is not our direct experience.  To do so is alienating, and furthers the divide between humans.  Seeking and succeeding in solidarity requires us to give focus to the traits and experiences that highlight commonalities among us instead of solely focusing on what makes us different, and treating those differences as negatives or deficiencies.  Appreciation of those differences will also serve to connect us, if we allow space to appreciate individual and cultural uniqueness.

As the days move forward, many difficult conversations will be had about privilege, community and law enforcement relations, and racial inequality.  You may experience uncertainty about what to do for yourself or others, engage in self-evaluation about personal and implicit biases, and feel diminished hope because the pain feels too great.  However, there are means to maintain hope and contribute to move our community forward.

Ways you can take care of yourself include taking a pause and logging off social media accounts, limiting your news intake, and avoiding comment sections if the content overwhelms you.  Take a moment to think before you type and respond, take deep breaths and disconnect if you need to, and allow yourself to revisit content at a later time. It is okay to ask others about their experiences to gain awareness of perspectives you may not be attuned to, and allow this to bolster your relationships and self-growth.

Ways you can support others include checking in with your family, friends and neighbors, encouraging them to engage in self-care, and linking them to resources if you suspect they are struggling with their mental health.  Hearing your loved ones out on their experiences and thoughts about race relations is a very validating and supportive way to be present for them.

If you or anyone you know is struggling at this time, you can text HOME to 741741 for confidential chat support from trained staff, or call 1-800-273-8255 (available 24/7).

Setting and Maintaining Healthy Boundaries


Boundaries are absolutely vital for healthy relationships- most importantly, your relationship with yourself.  It is a way to maintain balance in your life by learning, acknowledging and holding others to your personal limits.  This supports positive self-image and healthy self-esteem.  For most of us, it is not a skill we were taught, rather, through experience and watching others, we determine what is- and is not- acceptable for each of us.  As this skill can be challenging to develop and maintain, below are some tips from Dr. Dana Gionta for setting and maintaining healthy boundaries (courtesy of Psych Central article, 10 Ways to Build and Preserve Better Boundaries by Margarita Tartakovsky, MS):

  1. Name your limits.

You can’t set good boundaries if you’re unsure of where you stand. So identify your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual limits, Gionta said. Consider what you can tolerate and accept and what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed.  “Those feelings help us identify what our limits are.”

  1. Tune into your feelings.

Gionta has observed two key feelings in others that are red flags or cues that we’re letting go of our boundaries: discomfort and resentment. She suggested thinking of these feelings on a continuum from one to 10. Six to 10 is in the higher zone, she said.

If you’re at the higher end of this continuum, during an interaction or in a situation, Gionta suggested asking yourself, what is causing that? What is it about this interaction, or the person’s expectation that is bothering me?

Resentment usually “comes from being taken advantage of or not appreciated.” It’s often a sign that we’re pushing ourselves either beyond our own limits because we feel guilty (and want to be a good daughter or wife, for instance), or someone else is imposing their expectations, views or values on us, she said.

“When someone acts in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, that’s a cue to us they may be violating or crossing a boundary,” Gionta said.

  1. Be direct.

With some people, maintaining healthy boundaries doesn’t require a direct and clear-cut dialogue. Usually, this is the case if people are similar in their communication styles, views, personalities and general approach to life, Gionta said. They’ll “approach each other similarly.”

With others, such as those who have a different personality or cultural background, you’ll need to be more direct about your boundaries. Consider the following example: “one person feels [that] challenging someone’s opinions is a healthy way of communicating,” but to another person this feels disrespectful and tense.

There are other times you might need to be direct. For instance, in a romantic relationship, time can become a boundary issue, Gionta said. Partners might need to talk about how much time they need to maintain their sense of self and how much time to spend together.

  1. Give yourself permission.

Fear, guilt and self-doubt are big potential pitfalls, Gionta said. We might fear the other person’s response if we set and enforce our boundaries. We might feel guilty by speaking up or saying no to a family member. Many believe that they should be able to cope with a situation or say yes because they’re a good daughter or son, even though they “feel drained or taken advantage of.” We might wonder if we even deserve to have boundaries in the first place.

Boundaries aren’t just a sign of a healthy relationship; they’re a sign of self-respect. So give yourself the permission to set boundaries and work to preserve them.

  1. Practice self-awareness.

Again, boundaries are all about honing in on your feelings and honoring them. If you notice yourself slipping and not sustaining your boundaries, Gionta suggested asking yourself: What’s changed? Consider “What I am doing or [what is] the other person doing?” or “What is the situation eliciting that’s making me resentful or stressed?” Then, mull over your options: “What am I going to do about the situation? What do I have control over?”

  1. Consider your past and present.

How you were raised along with your role in your family can become additional obstacles in setting and preserving boundaries. If you held the role of caretaker, you learned to focus on others, letting yourself be drained emotionally or physically, Gionta said. Ignoring your own needs might have become the norm for you.

Also, think about the people you surround yourself with, she said. “Are the relationships reciprocal?” Is there a healthy give and take?

Beyond relationships, your environment might be unhealthy, too. For instance, if your workday is eight hours a day, but your co-workers stay at least 10 to 11, “there’s an implicit expectation to go above and beyond” at work, Gionta said. It can be challenging being the only one or one of a few trying to maintain healthy boundaries, she said. Again, this is where tuning into your feelings and needs and honoring them becomes critical.

  1. Make self-care a priority.

Gionta helps her clients make self-care a priority, which also involves giving yourself permission to put yourself first. When we do this, “our need and motivation to set boundaries become stronger,” she said. Self-care also means recognizing the importance of your feelings and honoring them. These feelings serve as “important cues about our wellbeing and about what makes us happy and unhappy.”

Putting yourself first also gives you the “energy, peace of mind and positive outlook to be more present with others and be there” for them.” And “When we’re in a better place, we can be a better wife, mother, husband, co-worker or friend.”

  1. Seek support.

If you’re having a hard time with boundaries, “seek some support, whether [that’s a] support group, church, counseling, coaching or good friends.” With friends or family, you can even make “it a priority with each other to practice setting boundaries together [and] hold each other accountable.”

Consider seeking support through resources, too. Gionta likes the following books: The Art of Extreme Self-Care: Transform Your Life One Month at a Time and Boundaries in Marriage (along with several books on boundaries by the same authors).

  1. Be assertive.

Of course, we know that it’s not enough to create boundaries; we actually have to follow through. Even though we know intellectually that people aren’t mind readers, we still expect others to know what hurts us, Gionta said. Since they don’t, it’s important to assertively communicate with the other person when they’ve crossed a boundary.

In a respectful way, let the other person know what in particular is bothersome to you and that you can work together to address it, Gionta said.

  1. Start small.

Like any new skill, assertively communicating your boundaries takes practice. Gionta suggested starting with a small boundary that isn’t threatening to you, and then incrementally increasing to more challenging boundaries. “Build upon your success, and [at first] try not to take on something that feels overwhelming.”

“Setting boundaries takes courage, practice and support,” Gionta said. And remember that it’s a skill you can master.

Source:  https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries/

Tip of the Week: Red Flags within a Relationship

Do you know the expression “love is blinding”? This is a true statement. Even when your gut is telling you that something is wrong, you often ignore it. However, your gut is never wrong. Here are some red flags to look out for when in a relationship:
• Blames others for own faults
• Drug/ Alcohol use/abuse
• Explosive temper
• Extreme jealousy or insecurity
• Fascination with weapons
• Strong gender stereotypes
• Difficulty with authority
• Cannot express emotions verbally
• Treats partner like property/possession
• Isolates you from friends and family
• Blows up about little things
• Thinks it’s okay to resolve conflict with violence
• Checking emails, cellphones and social media without permission
• Constantly insulting or putting down partner and/or humiliating partner in public or in front of loved ones

If you or someone you know sees the warning signs in their relationship, then remember you are not alone and that you have the option to seek help. You can always reach out by contacting NOVA Sexual Assault Services (SAS) directly at nova.sas@nvcc.edu or 703-338-0834.
https://www.nvcc.edu/novacares/sas/dating.html
If you would like to learn more about this topic, join us for our Red Flag Campaign on Monday, March 2nd from 11am to 2pm in the LC Café on the Loudoun Campus. Hope to see you there! https://www.facebook.com/events/166424331470492/

Tip of the Week: Prevention of Cyberstalking

Tip of the Week: Cyberstalking

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn: so much of our everyday life is viral! Checking and updating our accounts daily has become a normal routine, like brushing our teeth. However, we often forget the dangers that come with our social media followers. When hitting “post” we can forget the dangers of cyberstalking. Your stalker may be a stranger or someone who has an active role in your life. Along with electronic stalking and harassment, cyberstalking can also include identity theft, soliciting for sex, slander, or gathering your personal information to threaten, blackmail, or embarrass you. Cyberstalking is dangerous and can quickly escalate. Many of us have been affected or personally know someone who has. Check out the following tips to keeping yourself safe:

  1. Block any and all suspicious users
  2. Do not add or accept users that you do not know
  3. Do not respond to private messages to anyone you don’t know
  4. When posting, do not share specifics about your location.
  5. Do not share your last name, phone number, or email on online dating sites until you have met in person.

For additional resources visit:

Cyber stalking background with some smooth lines, 3D rendering, a red stop sign

https://www.nvcc.edu/novacares/resources.html